HERE’S WHY COUPLES END UP BEDROOM BURDENED

Without a clear process to uncover the expectations that have you stuck, to reframe how you think about sex, and to practice the fundamental shifts in mindset and behavior that you need, most couples end up more polarized about their sex life, with one person feeling more urgency and one feeling more pressure.

They fall into the trap of feeling like they have different goals and different priorities, with no clear way to work together and no sense that anything can change for the better.

HERE’S WHY THIS IS CRIPPLING

As you try to make your sex life better and hit these dead ends, you feel less and less like a team. Even when you’re great together in so many areas of your life, you start to feel distance between you in the area of intimacy.

Over time, you can start to feel hopeless that your sex life could be easy and enjoyable for both of you. You resign yourself to a reality where you’re not having as much sex as you’d like, you’re having sex you don’t want, or at least one of you is avoiding sex whenever you can. Sex starts to feel like the weight dragging the rest of your relationship down, and it’s harder and harder to relax and feel good about each other and your shared life.]

Pillar #1: DISCOVER

We have to start by understanding exactly why you’re stuck and what’s complicating your sex life. Then, we have to replace unrealistic expectations and misinformation with a new understanding of sex and sexual desire so that you are set up to succeed.

But just because you have this new paradigm doesn’t mean your partner is on the same page. You have to learn how to approach and align with them to really make a change in your sex life.

Pillar #2: ALIGN

It’s crucial that you approach your partner as an ally, committed to creating a sex life that is easy and fun for both of you. This pillar is all about how to communicate effectively and what kind of expectations you should have of yourself (and your partner). You also get to focus on individual accountability – so important in making any change – by unpacking what you bring to the problems and identify what you need to work on. Your partner can do this, too.

But just because you’re committed to a win/win and are set up to work as a team doesn’t mean you can make any changes. You have to know what to DO to make things better.

Pillar #3: PRACTICE

Change doesn’t happen just because we have understanding. We have to learn to behave differently. But we also need a plan for exactly what to do to make the changes we want to see. We need to know what we’re practicing and how to most effectively do it.

But practice and experience won’t get you the kind of transformation you want unless you are able learn from your experiences. It’s crucial to integrate this new way of being.

Pillar #4: ENJOY

To make this process work – and stick – we need to learn from what we’re doing. We need to use our experiences to guide progress and maintain it, creating permanent change in our ability to enjoy our sex life with our partner. Without this, we backslide. If you’ve ever worked on your sex life before but were unable to keep it up, this is what you’ve been missing.

This part of the method is all reaching actual breakthroughs that will make permanent change.

YOU NEED ALL FOUR PILLARS TO SUCCEED. YOU GET:

DISCOVER A NEW PARADIGM – RELIEF & HOPE:Understanding why you’re stuck (and that it’s totally normal) and building a new mindset around sex gives you the hope that things can be different. BUT you still need to apply it to your relationship so that you can get on the same page with your partner.

ALIGN WITH YOUR PARTNER: CONNECTIONBeing a good partner and committing to a sex life that works for both of you creates connection and alliance. BUT you still need to know what to do with this information to actually make change in your sex life.

PUT IT INTO PRACTICE: ACTION PLANHaving a roadmap about exactly what to do to practice all these new ways of thinking (and behaving) gives you a clear action plan. BUT you still need a way to learn from your experiences to create permanent change in your sex life. so you won’t just revert to the way it was.

ENJOY LONG-LASTING CHANGE: DESIREWhen you change your mindset, get on the same page as your partner to create a sex life that truly works for both of you, follow an action plan to put these ideas into practice, and integrate all of this into new habits and ways of being, you get to enjoy your sex life without having to think about it!